The envy trap why we compare ourselves to others and how to stop it

The envy trap why we compare urselves to others and how to stop itThe envy trap why we compare urselves to others and how to stop itIn 2011, Mina Cikara, a social psychologist at Harvard University, recruited 18 hardcore baseball fans who supported either the Red Sox or Yankees- arguably the fiercest rivalry in American sports.1Cikara was interested in learning which regions of the brain are activated when we succeed or fail in comparison to our competitors.When participants arrived at the lab, they were told to lay down under an MRI scanner and watch clips of actual baseball games involving both teams.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreAnd after each play, they were asked how good or badeanstalt they felt about it.After scanning the participants brains, Cikara and the researchers put together their findings.The scans showed that not only did the participants feel the fruchtwein pl easure when their team performed well against their rival, but they also felt considerable pleasure when they saw their rival fail, even against a third-party team.Particularly, the MRI scans showed that the baseball fans who experienced the fruchtwein pleasure at watching their rival fail, had the most activation in a small part of the brain called the ventral striatum.Two weeks after the scan, participants completed a web survey to rate how likely they would be to engage in a variety of aggressive behaviors against a rival i.e. hit them, heckle and throw food and beverages.The researchers were stunned by the results.The participants who experienced the most pleasure- and ventral striatal activity in their brain- whilst watching their team succeed or rival fail, were the same people who were most likely to threaten, hit and harm a rival fan.Cikaras study on competition sheds light on the hidden dangers of comparison and raises a bigger question.Why do we compare ourselves to others and how can we stop this once and for all?The Evolutionary Psychology Behind JealousyO, beware, my lord, of jealousyIt is the green-eyd monster, which doth mockThe meat it feeds on.? William Shakespeare, OthelloThe German word Schadenfreude was first mentioned in English texts in 1852. It means harm-joy or pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others.In the book,The Joy of Pain Schadenfreude and the Dark Side of Human Nature, social psychologist, Richard Smith, suggests that Schadenfreudeis a natural human emotion and that the way we compare ourselves to others plays an important role in our self-esteemcompetition itself is a kind of comparison process.2To further reinforce his point, Smith cites Evolutionary psychologists, Sarah Hill and David Buss, who both explain that envy alerts us to improve conditions in which we rank lower than other humans in areas that are crucial for survival and reproductive success.3These ideas had been previously explored in the famous social compa rison theory (1954) a theory proposed by renowned psychologist, Leon Festinger, which suggests that humans look to others as a standard to measure their own abilities and self-image.4Specifically, the social comparison theory suggests that we tend to compare ourselves to (and be envious of) people within our social circle or status, rather than those outside of it.This explains why when someone within a similar social group outperforms us, we feel jealous their success triggers our insecurities by making us feel inferior and inadequate.But when they perform worse than us in any way, it makes us feel better. It boosts our self-esteem.We see this evolutionary human need for comparison and competition play out in almost all facets of modern societyStudents who achieve the highest grades and attend the most prestigious universities are perceived to be superior to those with lower grades.Professionals who earn the most salary and work for the largest corporations are perceived to be supe rior to those who earn less money and work for lesser known companies.Entrepreneurs who raise the most capital, scale their businesses fastest and generate the most profits, are perceived to be superior to those who own smaller businesses with fewer profits.But it doesnt stop there.We compare our level of attractiveness, body shape, children, spouses, cars and even dogs.Making matters worse, social media promotes high visibility of the success of our peers, leading to excessive social comparison.Its no surprise that recent studies have shown that people who use Facebook are more likely to experience mental health problems, loneliness and unhappiness.5But theres hope.How to Overcome the Envy TrapIn 1987, a group of researchers conducted a study of 663 lymphoma and breast krebs patients, to uncover the well-being effects of cancer patients interacting with one another.6Previous studies on social comparison wouldve predicted that cancer patients who are worse of would feel inferior and jealous of those who were better off. But this isnt what the researchers found.The researchers discovered that regular contact with other cancer patients reduced uncertainty and improved their mood.Particularly, they found significant increases in self-esteem among the cancer patients who were the worst off (those undergoing a second round of treatments).What are the implications of these findings?Instead of feeling envious towards people who are better off than us, we can use their success to provide hope and motivate us to achieve our goals.We can learn from their mistakes and improve on what already works.Or as the late philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche, explained through his writings onMitfreudeThe serpent that stings us means to hurt us and rejoices as it does so the lowest animal can imagine the pain of others. But to imagine the joy of others and to rejoice at it is the highest privilege of the highest animals.7Embrace ComparisonTo feel envy is human, to savour schadenfreude is devilish.? Arthur Schopenhauer, On Human NatureWe tend to compare ourselves to others because it helps us measure our abilities for survival within a social hierarchy.Just like feelings of hunger, sadness and fear, envy is a normal human emotion that alerts us on our current condition.But when we excessively compare ourselves to others, we feel inferior and inadequate.We struggle to accept ourselves the way we are, because if we do so, we fear that well never change for the better.And once turned malicious, envy leads to feelings of resentment- and pleasure when our rivals fail.The only escape from the envy trap is to embrace comparison in a healthy manner, rather than avoid it at all costs.When we choose to look up to our peers who are better off than us,let go of perfectionismand use their success as inspiration to improve, well be much more likely to achieve our goals too.This article first appeared on MayoOshin.comMayo Oshin writes at MayoOshin.Com, where he shares the best p ractical ideas based on proven science and the habits of highly successful people for stress-free productivity and improved mental performance. To get these strategies to stop procrastinating, get more things by doing less and improve your focus, join his free weekly newsletter.FOOTNOTES1. Cikara, Mina Botvinick, Matthew M. Fiske, Susan T. (2011-03-01).Us Versus Them Social Identity Shapes Neural Responses to Intergroup Competition and Harm.Psychological Science. 22 (3) 306313.doi10.1177/0956797610397667.ISSN0956-7976.PMC3833634.PMID21270447.2. Smith, Richard H. 2013.The Joy of Pain Schadenfreude and the Dark Side of Human Nature. Oxford University Press.3.Hill, Sarah Buss, David. (2010).The Evolutionary Psychology of Envy. Envy Theory and Research.4. Festinger L (1954). A theory of social comparison processes.Human Relations.7(2) 117140.5..Arad, Ayala and Barzilay, Ohad and Perchick, Maayan,The Impact of Facebook on Social Comparison and Happiness Evidence from a Natural Experimen t.6. Van den Borne, H. W., Pruyn, J. F., Van den Heuvel, W. J. (1987). Effects of contacts between cancer patients on their psychosocial problems.Patient Education and Counseling, 9(1), 33-51.http//dx.doi.org/10.1016/0738-3991(87)90107-87. Friedrich Nietzsche.Human, All-Too-Human A Book for Free Spirits.

How to Work Smarter, Not Harder

How to Work Smarter, Not HarderHow to Work Smarter, Not Harder When you were in school, did you ever notice how some students needed a full week and weekend to prepare for an exam, while others could simply spend a few days and achieve the same outcome? As adults, do you find yurself leaving work at 500 on the dot, making everything look easy, while others are somehow never able to schliff their workload and are constantly behind? We all have the same hours in the day, yet how we prioritize our time and energy will dictate our ability to execute tasks efficiently. Working smarter is the ability to be productive and efficient when working towards your goals, rather than looking and feeling busy and out of time. Use your headspace to work smarter, and not harder, using the following perspectivesThe Pareto Principle states that 80% of your results will be generated from 20% of your focused efforts. This was discovered when an economist, Vilfredo Pareto noticed that 20% of his garden pea-pods produced 80% of his peas. Translated into your own life, you could benefit from spending more time focusing on tasks that yield greater results , and less time on the things that dont. For example, if you find yourself saying yes to every client or every project, consider only saying yes to some and focusing on the ones that bring you the highest ROI. Set your intentions each day on activities that will produce the best results, and relentlessly focus and prioritize those tasks. Understand when you are most productive, and schedule your most difficult tasks around that time. Next time you find yourself working late, ask yourself, Which 20% of my actions can contribute towards 80% of the end goal? Working when youre overly stressed and tired does not make you more productive, nor should it be a badge of honor. Some of the most influential people of our time, like Apples Tim Cook and Microsofts Bill Gates , prioritize sleeping 7 hours a night. Try and e stablish a sleep routine by going to bed and waking up every day at the same time. If you can give yourself enough time between working and sleeping, youll have an easier time turning your brain off and relaxing without any screens. Afternoon naps are also a great way to boost your productivity throughout the day. A quick 20-minute power nap can help reduce your stress, increase your memory, decrease mental fatigue, and overall set you up for a successful afternoon when youve hit your post-lunch productivity slump. If you find yourself feeling stressed out, remember to hit pause, and give yourself a time out. While a bit of stress can help light a fire, too much cortisol release in your brain can (and likely will) lead to reduced cognitive functioning, decreased performance, and a lack of productivity. Give yourself time to go on a walk, practice some deep breathing, and meditate. If youre staring at your to-do list and feeling overwhelmed, time-block your schedule and create hour ly increments over the day where you focus only on certain task or project. By trying to do everything, all at once, you lose focus. However, if you can give something your undivided attention, youll be able to break it down into more manageable parts, and have an easier time chipping away at your work. The most productive people plan their work based on their top priorities and work accordingly around that. Creating a detailed to-do list each night will guide your plan of action throughout the following day. Dont forget to always reward yourself when you complete and reach your milestonesRemember that what might take you 5 hours, could take someone else 8. This does not mean youre doing anything wrong, working less hard, or being lazy Working longer hours does not ensure higher productivity. Give yourself the time you need to set and achieve your own goals, and dont get psyched out by your colleague who can never seem to make it out of the office before 900 p.m. Have the confid ence to know that youre doing exactly what needs to get doneStacy Pollack is a professional development specialist who helps employees and leaders build new skills through innovative programs. She is passionate about creating opportunities for people to advance in their career while improving their organizations retention rate and output. She loves sharing insights on workplace development, career building, and networking for success. Stacy also holds an MA in Educational Technology. Connect with her on LinkedIn , Twitter , or at www.stacypollack.com.

What questions should a candidate ask at a job interview

What questions should a candidate ask at a job interviewWhat questions should a candidate ask at a job interviewWhat questions I can answer for you?You know its coming at the end of the job interview yur chance to turn the tables and ask the interviewer your questions. The very best piece of advice for navigating this parte of the interview successfully?Realize that this is still part of the interview.Tzu siches a common misconception that the purpose of asking questions here is to gather information for yourself. Thats not true.Until you have a job offer, your job is to make yourself a no-brainer hire even when youre the one asking the questions.The right questions, then, are not about how big the company is, its history, or anything else you can find online (which you have responsibly and diligently done already). Rather,you should be asking questions that demonstrate your ability to contribute to the company, to learn fast, and to be a great team member.Your questions should also set you up to send a customized, value-added follow-up. They should give you some insight into the company that allows you to dig even deeper when you leave the room, and deliver additional thoughts or insights later especially those that will set you apart from other candidates.So, given that you goal is to lean on behauptung questions to make yourself a no-brainer byDemonstrating your ability to contribute to the organizationDemonstrating your ability to learn fastDemonstrating your potential to be a great team memberSetting yourself up to send a standout follow-up that adds value the best questions are open-ended and ask about big topics, like strategic concerns, company culture priorities, or what it would take to be successful in this job.A few examplesWhat keeps you up at night?What is the biggest business problem youre currently trying to solve?What are the most exciting initiatives at your company right now?What are you particularly excited to be working on at the moment?H ave you done anything at your company that you dont think you could have done anywhere else?When an employee really demonstrates the companys values, what does that look like? Can you think of any examples of great colleagues whove done that?What does this role do to change the game for your company? What can this company do with this role that we cant do without it?What has a successful candidate in this role done in 60 days on the job? In six months?Since youve asked questions that give you a better understanding of how you can add value to this company, your next task is to use the information that youve received as ammunition to deliver something of value to the employer, something that distinguishes you as a candidate. Send your ideas for how to solve the problems actually start building some of the solutions. While 99% of candidates will be sending a generic thank you email, youll actually be showing the kind of employee youll be if you get the job.Putting in that bit of extra effort when others might lean back and wait to see what happens makes all the differenceas a candidate. Weve seen this time and again in stories from our alumni atFlatiron School, as they went out for software engineering jobs often competing against candidates who had more relevant experience, more extensive education in computer science, or both. Consider a few of their storiesKavan B., who watched computer vision tutorials online and created a basic facial recognition app using the same technology used by his future employer.Lucas M., who found his future employers GitHub repository, rewrote a test left on their to-do list, and submitted a pull request. They created a role just for him because he so embodied their value of boldness.Kristin D., who learned in her final interview that the employer wasnt sure if shed be happy relocating to a new city for the role. She immediately wrote a non-technical blog post about what she was looking forward to doing in that city and sent it to the hiring manager who sent her an offer a couple hours later.(You can read more of these stories and job search best practices in our eBookHow to Be a No-Brainer Tech Hire.)The opportunity to ask questions is your chance to demonstrate what a great employee youll be, and to gather the information you need to really make yourself stand out in the next step. I once received a follow-up from a candidate who detailed all the ways she had already implemented our approach to career coaching and student developmentin her other job. (She got an offer.)Sure, you could ask how many employees the company has hired this year. But who would you rather hire Someone whos demonstrated that theyre already doing the job, or the guy who could have Googled it?Rebekah Rombom is vice president ofCareer Services Business Development at Flatiron School. This article first appeared at Quora.